There have been a few little things lately I've felt I've been struggling with. As I pondered these things with God, I know they are areas I can improve. I know I've mentioned before, I'm part of a small church, and when I say small, I mean really small. And among the things I help with, worship is on the list. We do not have any musicians, and therefore our worship is done along with music from a CD player.
Before I felt so limited to what songs I could do each morning, by what songs were grouped together on CDs. Granted I could make more CDs, but I finally realized there was a better way. I know often times laptops are hooked up to the sound systems in churches to give access to a multitude of songs. So, short of me having a laptop, I use my phone for everything. I finished loading all my music onto my phone, bought the right cord, and tada. I now have access to most all my songs at any given moment. And I have more control without having to worry about CDs getting scratched.
So that was more of a side note, but leading up to my point.
I know I'm not a worship leader. I've helped at times, even as a teenager in the other church I was part of, but I don't feel called. I know that I am willing, and filling a gap until God works things otherwise. As I was criticizing myself I started chatting with a good friend about it. My intentions were only to slightly vent my inadequacies. But rather the conversation turned directions.
My friend then mentioned why not learn piano. I can read music, and have played other instruments; the flute and clarinet. Or even the guitar. She mentioned how she wasn't great, but taught herself both. And guitar took a bit with training fingers, but was definitely an option.
So I stopped and thought about it. Why not. She is not the first person to say this to me. Another two come to mind rather quickly. I'm so quick to make excuses, my biggest being my time. And I know this same friend has even said I don't know how you do so much.
I often want to excuse myself from not doing things because I've allowed myself to be too busy, or yes, lazy when I'm not extremely busy. So as I tried to excuse myself in my mind, I asked God,
"Am I giving enough?"
And He asks me "Do you have anything left to give?"
I've been chewing on this. I feel I'm struggling to wrap my mind around this.
Yes Lord, I have more to give! But Lord, where do I give and take from.
My oldest nephew really enjoys music and wants learn guitar. He got a small student guitar for Christmas, but doesn't do much besides strum it and make up his own songs.
I sat down with him, and pulled up some videos and information online to show him a bit of how to really play guitar. He enjoyed it, and I learned my fingers are too big for his guitar. So I would have to buy a guitar if I wanted to try and learn it. But it really wasn't quite as complex as I thought it would be.
I sat down for a bit at the piano at church early Sunday morning, after spending several nights watching YouTube videos on learning piano. I was then able to in about five minutes play the B-I-B-L-E song in the song book. Nothing fancy, but it didn't seem too difficult. Yes it would take practice.
While looking on Craigslist I found a really inexpensive guitar and amp in the area. It wasn't anything fancy, but said it would be good for a beginner. They wanted $40, which to me is either God opening a big door, or it's too good to be true. I'm not sure which yet.
And while I know it won't be easy, I know that I do have more to give.
Lord, there are several things before me right now. Opportunities that I'm starting to think are directly from you. I know the devil is not going to have me do something to benefit the Kingdom of God, so I know you are leading me. Help me see the foot path you have laid before me. I thank you for creating me so uniquely, and not making me just like everyone else. Help me not to compare myself or choose my path based on what others are saying or doing, but by your words alone.