I feel I'm not really sure what to write. My life lately seems to be consumed by so much. Some is just stuff, and other times it's me trying to reprioritize.
The other day as I stopped to think about the different prayer requests some of my dear friends had been sharing with me lately, I felt as if something was wrong. Not like the bad dreadful wrong you instantly know about. But the wrong that slowly creeps in un be knowest to us, to sabotage our lives and rake havoc before we even know it arrived.
You know the times when everything it life seems so great, but nothing totally great is even happening (though sometimes it does and it's the greatness before the fall).
I couldn't place my finger on anything. Or even try to rifle through to find something. So I prayed, God show me what I need. And it wasn't until today, until I thought I would sit down to blog, that I started to discover what I wasn't really seeing.
Though I'm not sure seeing is the accurate verb, as I'm still a little uncertain precisely what it is.
I know God gave me some pretty specific instructions about one of my youth in particular. My prayer and fasting has been focused on her. And while last week she didn't show up, and i believed this to be the beginning of the battle, I believed I was so consumed with that, I missed that my attitude needs a bit of a recheck. And I need a greater refocus, because Satan is prowling about seeking to destroy a few others.
Two of my most faithful, have been missing from youth group the last three weeks. Not all the Sundays, but yes the Wednesdays sequentially since retreat. I know from experience, that going from a retreat to the real world is sometimes hard enough, but without church/others it becomes an almost monumental task.
Last night I realized I needed and attitude recheck when I was mad within about them not being there, with their younger brother making the point of coming still. I knew then I wasn't in the right, but wasn't sure what the extent of my attitude change needed to be.
I need God to break my heart for what breaks His. And I know THIS breaks His. So Lord, break my heat, let me continue to zealously pray for them, not just they girls, but for all my church. Lord, give me a heart like tour's. Let me see them through your eyes!