Yes, Lord

There have been a few little things lately I've felt I've been struggling with. As I pondered these things with God, I know they are areas I can improve. I know I've mentioned before, I'm part of a small church, and when I say small, I mean really small. And among the things I help with, worship is on the list. We do not have any musicians, and therefore our worship is done along with music from a CD player.

Before I felt so limited to what songs I could do each morning, by what songs were grouped together on CDs. Granted I could make more CDs, but I finally realized there was a better way. I know often times laptops are hooked up to the sound systems in churches to give access to a multitude of songs. So, short of me having a laptop, I use my phone for everything. I finished loading all my music onto my phone, bought the right cord, and tada. I now have access to most all my songs at any given moment. And I have more control without having to worry about CDs getting scratched.

So that was more of a side note, but leading up to my point.

I know I'm not a worship leader. I've helped at times, even as a teenager in the other church I was part of, but I don't feel called. I know that I am willing, and filling a gap until God works things otherwise. As I was criticizing myself I started chatting with a good friend about it. My intentions were only to slightly vent my inadequacies. But rather the conversation turned directions.

My friend then mentioned why not learn piano. I can read music, and have played other instruments; the flute and clarinet. Or even the guitar. She mentioned how she wasn't great, but taught herself both. And guitar took a bit with training fingers, but was definitely an option.

So I stopped and thought about it. Why not. She is not the first person to say this to me. Another two come to mind rather quickly. I'm so quick to make excuses, my biggest being my time. And I know this same friend has even said I don't know how you do so much.

I often want to excuse myself from not doing things because I've allowed myself to be too busy, or yes, lazy when I'm not extremely busy. So as I tried to excuse myself in my mind, I asked God,

"Am I giving enough?"

And He asks me "Do you have anything left to give?"

I've been chewing on this. I feel I'm struggling to wrap my mind around this.

Yes Lord, I have more to give! But Lord, where do I give and take from.

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My oldest nephew really enjoys music and wants learn guitar. He got a small student guitar for Christmas, but doesn't do much besides strum it and make up his own songs.

I sat down with him, and pulled up some videos and information online to show him a bit of how to really play guitar. He enjoyed it, and I learned my fingers are too big for his guitar. So I would have to buy a guitar if I wanted to try and learn it. But it really wasn't quite as complex as I thought it would be.

I sat down for a bit at the piano at church early Sunday morning, after spending several nights watching YouTube videos on learning piano. I was then able to in about five minutes play the B-I-B-L-E song in the song book. Nothing fancy, but it didn't seem too difficult. Yes it would take practice.

While looking on Craigslist I found a really inexpensive guitar and amp in the area. It wasn't anything fancy, but said it would be good for a beginner. They wanted $40, which to me is either God opening a big door, or it's too good to be true. I'm not sure which yet.

And while I know it won't be easy, I know that I do have more to give.

Lord, there are several things before me right now. Opportunities that I'm starting to think are directly from you. I know the devil is not going to have me do something to benefit the Kingdom of God, so I know you are leading me. Help me see the foot path you have laid before me. I thank you for creating me so uniquely, and not making me just like everyone else. Help me not to compare myself or choose my path based on what others are saying or doing, but by your words alone.

Faith and Struggles

During worship Sunday morning I felt a stirring in my soul. Also like the winds as they start to pick up along the beach as a big storm is rolling in. It was almost that same anticipation. Not knowing exactly what was coming, but knowing it was a storm rolling in.

I felt as though a storm was starting to roll around and brew within. Nothing "big" has really happened, or maybe wrong is the word. Things have seemed relatively smooth. Maybe a bad day at work, or getting a little over upset about something, but really no big drama. And as I've looked around at so many friends, I've seen their struggles, and in the back of my mind I know things can't always go good, and if they appear that way something is probably not right. Complacency isn't always bad, but it is not always great either.

As I sat to listen to the message, things seem to click a little more. I'm not really sure if God was speaking extra loud Sunday morning or if my ears were tuned in a bit better. The scripture for the message was found in Proverbs 3:1-6 (Amplified)

MY SON, forget not my law or teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments;  For length of days and years of a life [worth living] and tranquility [inward and outward and continuing through old age till death], these shall they add to you.  Let not mercy and kindness [shutting out all hatred and selfishness] and truth [shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood] forsake you; bind them about your neck, write them upon the tablet of your heart.   So shall you find favor, good understanding, and high esteem in the sight [or judgment] of God and man.  Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

I feel my struggle is I'm needing to lean more on God. I'm a super independent person, and have had to be to some extent. I'm not sure what specifically what God is wanting  me to trust Him more with. Or where I need to lean more on Him. But I do know that things are going to get shook up a bit in my life.

Please pray for me. Pray I recognize and acknowledge Him in everything so I can see the straight and plain path God is laying before me. I am a firm believer that what does not kill us, makes us stronger. I know God allows storms and trials to strengthen our faith.

And I think this may be another instance of faith in 2012.

Flashbacks and Faith

I've started a reading plan with YouVersion on the subject of faith. Last night one of the readings was Matthew 8:5-13. It's the story of the centeriun man who asks Jesus to heal his servant, but as Jesus tells him he will come to heal the boy, the officer tells him no. And precedes to tell Jesus how unworthy he is to have him come to his house, yet he exemplifies faith in saying "Just say the word from where you are and my servant will be healed."

I've heard this story before, in fact many times. But as I read this story tonight, it brought back great memories of my time in Peru.

In fact I practically lived a nowaday story of this man's life. You see, my team was a particular drama site and were ministering and praying after our drama. Towards then end of our time at this particular spot a man approached us telling us a family member in great need of prayer. The family member was unable to be there, but then this gentleman recalled this story of faith from the Bible about Jesus just speaking the words without touching the Roman's servant. He told us he knew God could use our prayers to heal them, even if we were not able to travel with this man to his home.

So we prayed, standing on the faith of this man, and I think in some cases growing the faith of the teenagers on my team, as we witnessed God bringing to life the story's of the Bible in an extremely tangible way.

And as I think back to this story now, and my word for 2012, my prayer is God teach me to expand my faith, just like that summer many years ago, Lord expand my faith.

Job Update

So my posting has gotten a little back to normal, but still a little more sporadic and there have been a few days I've just gotten busy and wasn't able to post.

But I did want to share a bit more of an update, and share a little more about what God is teaching me with this year's word faith.

So as of my last job update, God had provided me the full time position as the housekeeper at an assisted living facility. And while I was very excited to be back, part of my was almost disappointed that I was going to be just the housekeeper again.

But as I began my new job, I found little places to take joy in. And realized again, that I'm not just an old housekeeper, but I really am making a difference in these people's lives. Some of whom don't participate much in activities or social events.

And the my boss approached me with the day shift caregiver/CNA position. Kick was, I've had the training, but never got licensed. So now I have to retake the class and go through the certification testing.

The upside is, the company I work for offers the class for free for those who are or will be working for one of the company's 3 facilities in town. It's offered over at the nursing home, during the week. This would mean as I would either not be working, or doing all the housekeeping rooms after the class and work on them until I finished, which would make for some really long days!

I was super excited for this open door, but honestly not thrilled about the potentially long few weeks. But then when my boss called to enroll another girl and I there was a twist. The person teaching the class has to work on the floor during the week, so the class this month will be on the weekends!!

I'm astonished by how God has worked this out. I will miss the last two Fridays of the month from work, but my schedule will otherwise be the same. This is far beyond anything I could have imagined, in respects to working out details for my new job.

As of Wednesday I've started my new position, and new hours. So now I'm at work by 6am, and I i thought this would be a struggle for me, so it is all working out well. And I'm liking getting off earlier, as I get to spend more time with my nephews and sister.

Through faith I knew God would work out the details, and also give me strength to do what I needed to for the time being. And while I know that God does not always use faith to change situations, but sometimes uses faith for strength and endurance, I'm excited for what God is doing now!

Faith

"Byf faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God's command, that what we now see did not come from what can be seen."  Hebrews 11:3

As God gave me the word faith, and the then the definition as defined in the first part of Hebrews 11, the rest of the chapter has been playing through my mind.

And as I read, and asked God, what are you trying to show me, four words stuck out. By faith faith we understand. And before you think I'm one that takes bits and pieces of scripture and pulls them apart, I just want to say I'm not. And if you go on to read (I continued to), you see that to be the shortened theme of basically the whole chapter.

And while I know that Hebrews 11 is called the faith chapter, I didn't realized that a better summerization could be,  "By faith we understand" all these things. We understand what these men went through. We understand why often times they seemed almost as fools. We understand through these men who God is, and start to see the greater plan of what God has in store for us.

I'm so encouraged as I read other posts about their One Word statement, and excited to see how God teaches not only me, but so many others who are praying and seeking God's face.

2012 here comes revolution of seekers desiring more!

Word for 2012

Jill posted earlier in the week One Word ~ A Different Kind of Resolution, Sarah too also posted about One Word for 2012 on her blog, and quite a few others, and it really got me thinking. Last year I picked a word, but never really stuck with it. It was the first time I'd heard of choosing a word, so I jumped on the band wagon, but then left it behind.

My 2011 word was boldness. And while I may not have prayerfully pursed my word, looking back, that really was my word for the year. I did have some stepping out and up moments, where I had to learn to have boldness in Christ and who He has created me to be, and do.

This year I would like to prayerfully purse my word for 2012. And as I have been praying about my work, faith keeps coming up. While at first thought it seemed almost too simple of a word to choose, God has already started to show me how important a role faith is! That is beyond my current knowledge and experience of faith.

Hebrews 11:1 says "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."

As 2011 is nearing the end, I'm beginning to taste a bit of what God is doing when I walk in faith, and I'm excited to see what more God has in store for 2012.

So my 2012 word is...

Do you have a word for 2012? Have you ever choose to have one word for the new year instead of a list of resolutions? Want to read more about One Word, you can read more here.